初恋

I have just finished watching the new Netflix series inspired by Utada’s songs First Love and Hatsukoi. I bawled my eyes through the episodes, it’s just beautifully made. I love it so much. It makes me wanna dump my thoughts on the first love topic.

I think what makes first love stories/songs are mostly well-received by the public is because of the nostalgia it evokes in each of us. We were young when we experienced our first love. We were innocent, naive, and had the liberty to love without having to consider anything else. What would’ve been had my first love work out? The question transports us to an alternative reality where everything works out.

But you know, we were innocent and naive when we experienced our first love. We hadn’t developed a good judgment for people. Our first love might not be best for us. Or maybe it was good only for that younger version of us.

As for me, I feel like my first love didn’t work out for a good reason. My first love felt so right for that naive version of me. Just because we knew each other for so long doesn’t mean we’re automatically right for each other. Maybe it had reach its expiry date- I had finished all my lessons.

I am grateful that I met my husband when I was “ready”. I knew enough things about myself that it was easy to communicate what I want and assess if we wanted the same thing. I had better self-respect, I was more assertive, I was more open to getting to know someone new.

The biggest credit maybe should go to my first love. My first love taught me things about myself: how I love, how I want to be loved. Now I know that true love makes you feel comfortable. When you love the right person, it just feels effortless. I am thankful for the person who taught me all that. I just hope that I taught him one or two things about love, too.

In the end, our first love is a part of ourselves. However, it’d be a waste to fixate on that only that we miss other chances of experiencing love that are right for us… even only for a fleeting moment. Put yourself out there, your best love might be just around the corner.